I have a dress. It's a blue dress that looks like denim, but is actually made of light, airy, breathable cotton. It has a scoop neck and drops loosely down to my ankles. It's probably one of the most comfortable things I own. However, my dress has a problem. Over the last two years, I've worn it so much that the button holes have gotten pretty loose. So, sometimes the buttons just kind of fall open. Usually only the two right over my crotch, though. Go figure. So no going commando in this dress. But, hey. It's only two buttons. And so long as I'm self aware, I usually catch them in time and everything ends up okay.
Yesterday, I chose to wear this dress.
Let's set the scene. It's 5 p.m. and I'm on the subway. It's rush hour. I'm standing, holding on to one of the poles, in a moving subway car. All the seats are taken. Beside me, a rhino of a kid - who looked to be maybe about 14 - was bobbing his head to his music. The train pulls in to Grand Central. The doors open and commuters trade places on the platform. Just as the doors are above to close, rhino boy (he was a big kid) emerges from his angsty tunes long enough to realize we're at his stop. "Oh crap!" he shouts. "Excuse me." Without giving me a chance to move, he stampedes past me, scuffing the bottom on his sneaker across the top of one of my exposed feet. It hurt. I resisted the urge to holler profanities. An older woman next to me shook her head in disapproval, assumably because of the panicked rhinocerous that crushed my foot. Kneeling down, I checked for damage. Thankfully there was none. So I stood up, peeved but okay, grabbed the pole, and waited for the next stop. About 30 seconds later, I notice a guy looking at me.
"You're, um, shirt's undone," he said, almost apologetically.
Right he was! And not JUST over my crotch!
My dress was opened up like a science project or a peep show from right below my boobs to about two inches below my panty line. My underwear and fish-white belly were out there for the world to see! And how did I respond??
"Oh, GREAT! I'm FLASHING EVERYONE!!!" I shouted. And then I smiled demurely and sweetly said, "Thank you," to the guy, who laughed, as I hurriedly refastened something to the tune of 10 buttons. It was then that I realized the older woman MIGHT have been shaking her head in disapproval at my temporary nudity [laughs].
It was like being caught with your fly down, x100.
But, other than the period of time it took to redo my buttons on a speeding, jolting subway car, I was surprisingly unruffled. I was easily embarassed as a kid, but it takes a lot to undo me now. Being upset uses up a lot of energy. Really, it's easier to just laugh. After all, every embarrassing moment makes for a good story.
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