Sometimes, I think I come off as a pessimist.
This could be for many reasons.
Maybe it's because I'm often sarcastic and crack jokes that air a little on the dry side. Or maybe it's because I have a slightly self-deprecating sense of humor and always prepare for the worst. Okay, yeah. And maybe sometimes I become a little self-defeatist when things aren't rolling out the way I intended them to.
But that's not because I'm a pessimist. It's because I'm a huge advocator of self-control and it really gets under my skin when a situation spins away from me. Like employment. Or lack thereof. I graduated college - against all odds, it seems - packed up everything, moved to New York City, and found a great apartment in under two weeks. But man, I just can't find a job anywhere. Maybe the cosmic forces of the universe are holding out until I find the perfect job. Yeah. Maybe that's it. See? That's optimism!
But in all seriousness, perhaps it's a little naive, but despite my wry sense of humor and daily brushes the strange and calamitous, I honestly feel that I'm capable of accomplishing anything I want to accomplish if I work at it long and hard enough. Yes, seriously. I feel this regardless of the fact that mass media clearly plays both sides of that coin:
America is the land of opportunity.
The economy is in shambles and everyone is unemployed.
So maybe America is just the land of opportunism?
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| [from top to bottom] America, My Dreams Okay, maybe THAT's a little pessimistic... |
Perhaps all I need is focus. Right now, I don't really know what I want to get out of my life, and so I'm having trouble formulating an end game. There are three tiers of employment I could try to go for right now.
- Work that is entirely unrelated to my college career: waitress, bartender, prep cook, cashier, barista, burlesque dancer, dog walker, customer service representative, janitor, McDonalds employee...
- Purgatorial work that is kind of connected to my college career: copy editor, fact checker, researcher, copy writer, transcriber, or really any form of organizational office guru...
- Rewarding work that is absolutely connected to my college career: feature writer, restaurant reviewer, travel journalist, blogger about quirky events and NYC subculture...
So far, I haven't dared to make eye contact with [3], and [2] is the a--hole who keeps me up waiting and never calls me back. But as far as I go out of my way to avoid [1], who I've known for a long time, he loves me no matter how much I've changed or how educated I am. I don't care. I don't like him. But after $1,000 more down the tube, he's going to start to look pretty good. But I'm still holding out for [2]. I'm still waiting. Maybe if I get with [2], [3] will start to notice me more [girly sigh].
I wish I could sit down to coffee with potential employers and say, "Listen. I'm good natured, I'm cooperative, and I work well with others. I have a great skill set and I'm dedicated. I'll complete whatever task you set in front of me, regardless of how menial or mind-numbingly boring it is, and I will do it well. And no, the fact that I went to college in cow country does not mean I am an uneducated, back road hick. I received a solid education and I worked hard to get where I am now. Hire me."
Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. And I have a sneaking suspicion that every journalism graduate who received an education from a big, private, city university has a huge competitive edge over me, even though a highly populated journalism program undoubtedly has a greater likelihood of yielding a more watered-down learning experience.
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| This is not how I learned journalism. |
I am ready for bigger and better things than Pizza Hut or the supermarket. If this venture doesn't work out, perhaps I'll look further into that work program in Tasmania I've had my eye on. But don't you worry. I'm not giving up yet. I am ever the eternal optimist.
I have also felt that, could I simply force potential employers to listen to me - my vision is not seated at coffee but standing face to face while I gesticulate wildly - I would be noticed by the right people for the right reasons.
ReplyDeleteAnd tomorrow I have to get up and go back to Dollar General and unpack boxes. I spend the weekends sleeping and shooting skeet with Jen. Our shotgun has one sight on it and was made for Sears, Roebuck by some manufacturer I'm not familiar with some time in the distant past.
The skeet throwing machine caught me in the knucle and took a divet out of my flesh. But screw it, because that's work, play and one more interesting scar.
A wise video game once told me that you can't change the wind, but you can adjust your sails. Your metaphor was better, but I'm really tired right now. What I'm trying to say is that you have to figure out what you want - and then go for it however you think is best.
With that, however, comes the caveat that I have never, in all my life, met an individual who had everything go as planned. John Lennon - who was shot dead by a guy who thought J. D. Salinger told him to do it - said that life is what happens while you're making plans. It's a lot of give and a lot of take, and in the end the best advice I can give is the pathetic warning to expect the unexpected, which sounds like something the ride operator tells you at the horror house at the amusement park. You must be THIS TALL to expect the unexpected!
Your mileage will most definitely vary, but what the hell. That's life. Custom made for people like you.
Kevin, I never get tired of your sage advice and the myriad quotes and anecdotes you always have to back it up. Thanks for the smile. You often deliver when I most need it.
ReplyDeleteThanks, but I must emphasize I don't know what's going on. I just convey my ignorance more fluidly than most.
ReplyDeleteThis is Anne. ;)
ReplyDeleteHilary, Darling. First I'd like to say that the eagle picture nearly killed me, really, choked on my breakfast.
Second. Remember when I graduated last year and saw you almost never? After graduation I spent several months unemployed, desperately searching for a job. I ended up as a cashier at Walmart. I couldn't hack it and quit after two months when a customer made me cry.
I then spent three months unemployed and ended up working for a pair of middle aged pothead chauvinists selling t shirts. My relationship with my fiance fell apart sometime in there too.
But through all this I kept searching for something better. And eventually I found it, Being a sales rep may not be my dream job, but I really enjoy working with the engineers and learning about the software. I can sew and do all of my other business on my own time too. I'm looking at the edp master's program at Harvard. I've always dreamed a little about Harvard.
The point is my dear, you are intelligent, hard working, and have a far more relevant degree for the real world than either of mine. You are so good at everything you put your hands to that I can't recall you seriously failing at anything.
And goddamnit optimism is always rewarded eventually. The only variable is how much bull you have to deal with on the way to what you want, and sometimes you find something you didn't know you wanted and it's better for you in the end.
I love you're sense of humor and self deprecation. It is funny because it's undeserved, and underneath all of it I know that you are an optimist. You'll find what you need.
I love you, Anne.
ReplyDeleteThanks for that.